Avon (avon) wrote,

Anyone want to give me some feedback?

I am working on a novel.  I think most of you know that because I talked about World Building June over on tumblr before.  The novel is nominally a present for my kids, but I suspect they will graduate college before it is done. Anyway.

I am struggling with the outline.  I am not trying for anything innovative - basic hero's journey/three act structure is my goal.  I am trying to use the snowflake method of outlining and I would love some feedback.

Here is the one sentence summary: A young scout searches for a home for her people.

The next step is to write a paragraph summary.  Five sentences.  First sentence is the setting, then three disasters and the conclusion.  In terms of the three act structure, the first disaster is the end of the first act, the second is the midpoint of the second act, the third is the end of the second act and the conclusion is the third act.  I have two ideas.

Idea #1:The G.Is.S. Spero is a vast generation ship that has been traveling between the stars for thousands of years.  (1)Systems can only be repaired so many times, and the hull breech was both tragic and inevitable.  (2) Desperate to repair the ship, scouts are sent on dangerous missions which result in injuries and deaths.  (3) Defying orders, Skylar takes risks and gets injured, looking for a home.  (C) With help from her friends, she gets back out there and finds a planet.

However, it occured to me after I wrote this, that my main character, Skylar the scout, does not really have much agency until Disaster #3 and maybe that is too late.  So then I thought, what if I move the hull breech tragedy into the backstory?

Idea #2:
The G.Is.S. Spero is a slowly failing, vast generation ship that has been traveling between the stars for thousands of years. (1) Desperate to repair the ship, scouts are sent on a dangerous, risky mission which result in injuries and deaths.  (2) Skylar, realizing the ship needs to be scrapped not repaired, pushes the range of her scout ship resulting in her having insufficient resources to get back. (3) Trying to repair the ship, Skylar crashes on a planet.  (C) Once she gets back in space, her scanner picks up the planet of their dreams.

This moves Skylar's agency forward to disaster #2 and it more closely aligns with the hero's journey model.  However, it reduces the role of the supporting cast substantially because for the majority of Act 2 and 3, Skylar will be off on her own with only "radio" contact back home.

Does anyone have any thoughts?
Tags: spero, writing
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